Some things are too long to say on Facebook, and I'm tired of that process anyway. I've decided to talk to myself (I'm a brilliant conversationalist!) and if anyone else chooses to join in, that's fine.

Today's topic, the latest Women's March on Washington and the backlash. There is a rather lengthy response from "Christy" circulating on Facebook. I could probably dig it up again and copy and paste it, but I've read it multiple times, so I'm not going to. My head hurts and I'm not in the mood. Maybe I'll add it in later to remind myself what I was responding to. Maybe not. I think I'll get the gist without it.

Anyway, here goes. It helps me to write as if I'm speaking directly to "Christy", so...


Dear Christy,

I've seen your response to comments made on an article regarding the latest Women's March on Washington floating around Facebook. First, I'd like to offer the advice to avoid the comments section of, well, pretty much everything. You can lose all hope for humanity in the comments section. It's like a cafeteria in middle school where there is a constant food fight. It's messy and pointless and people get hurt. Don't go there.

That brings me to my second point, which is to apologize for someone suggesting that your choices were "degrading". Nobody should feel degraded for their informed choices. Nobody.

Which opens the door for my third point. This one is going to get long, so grab a snack and bear with me. There is also no reason to degrade the women that ARE supporting or participating in this movement. There seems to be this need to point out that this is not your cause. Is there any movement out there that represents an entire group? Because I don't think there is. I think that by not supporting it, the whole "not supporting it" thing is implied.

See, here's the deal. You are not wrong for not marching. You are not wrong for not supporting the march. No, really. I mean that. You clearly have no reason to feel threatened. You are comfortable in your life and that is awesome. Or you have problems with some of the issues you feel are being promoted. Or you've ferreted out some individual involved in the whole thing that you have issues with. Cool. You've made an informed decision. But, then, isn't it okay for other women to arrive at an informed decision too? What this boils down to as far as I'm concerned is this: if this isn't hurting you, then I don't understand the need to rip into it.

Well, yes, actually I think I do. There seems to be a general mindset that life is a giant balance sheet. (I do bookkeeping. Deal with the metaphor.)  If those women marching are doing the "right" thing, then that's the same as telling women that don't march they are are doing the "wrong" thing. So those women then need to say the marchers are doing the "wrong" thing in order to prove themselves "right".

Can we stop that? Please?

I know plenty of strong, smart, caring conservative women. I know plenty of strong, smart, caring liberal women. I know plenty that fall somewhere in between. I personally don't label myself as anything because I like to take things issue by issue, and that's okay too. It's all okay!

If we can all stop tearing each other down for our choices, that would be the best thing that women could do for each other. We need to strive for understanding, even if we don't agree. I've seen women posting against these marches and asking for us to all come together *in the same post*. Wait, what? You don't get to say "you women are dumb for doing this" and then say "can't we all just get along" in the next breath. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Tell me you don't see the need for the march, fine.  I can list marches in the past that have brought us to this point.  I could list reasons why things aren't okay now.  I won't.  If you don't see or feel it in your currently informed state, my list won't change a thing.  You're fine.  BUT try to discredit the march because you don't feel you need it?  That's not fine. Don't put it down just because it isn't your thing, and in return I won't put down whatever your thing is (as long as it isn't discriminatory or harmful, because then I'll have a problem).

In short, if you can't lift other women up, at least stop trying to trip them up. We will do a lot better with understanding than we will with defensiveness. A whole lot better.